LaLa FuFu! talkin’ shiii… talkin’ shiii…

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I had absolutely no intentions to watch this show. My opinion on women MC’s is the same about woman DJ’s, they’re bullshit! I get a call last night and it’s a friend on the other line and she’s watching this lupe fiasco. What can I say, I was drawn in. It’s like watching a train-wreck that you can’t turn away from. First off in the game of reality TV, at least 1 person has to be likable out of the gate. I didn’t like any of these people. Serch and I as well as Yoyo have broken bread in the past, but this show does nothing to bring out who they are as people personality-wise. It’s like we’re getting a lobotomized Serch & Yoyo to guide us through this competition that I don’t even think the contestants care to win.

The series relies on the idea that 1 of 10 girls are supposed to “compete” in a contest to determine who ultimately Miss Rap Supreme will be. The title of this show should have been called “Hot Ghetto Ass Mess” as these people are all dysfunctional adults trying to masquerade as Hip Hop artist. The problem is that most of these “ladies” are to gawd damned old to be rapping. I know you should always follow your dreams and as I write this sitting in the middle of my home studio I feel that I’m a big hypocrite in a sense but at least I’ve paid my dues. This show doesn’t quite clarify why any of these “ladies” should be crowned “Miss Rap Supreme”, Not a one. And while I’m talking about this show I think that I should mention how I heard about it. Elliot Wilson, former Editor In Chief of XXL Magazine sent me a friend request on Facebook. At first I was like, “Hmm, Elliot wants to be my friend.” So I approved of course. The next thing I heard from my friends, “Elliot Wilson just asked me for a friend request!” I start to realize something is up and sure enough that’s when the spam started to roll in. It’s all love though. Elliot work on your Web 2.0, and if you need some assistance I’ll be more the glad to offer you my generous reduced day rate. Holla…

I’ll give you each contestant and their short write up followed by my comments:

BREE, 23, LOS ANGELES, CA
Bree’s Myspace
Don’t be fooled by Bree’s small stature, her boundless energy and relentless drive push this 23-year-old former boxer from L.A. to be the best. Determined to make the world see female rappers in a better light, she spits with purpose, spreading a positive message that packs a punch.

My take: I haven’t seen much of this little chick in the show to form an opinion right now. She’s just there.

BYATA, 26, BROOKLYN, NY
Byata’s Myspace
Byata’s not your average white rapper. Born to Russian parents and raised in Coney Island, this tough, magnetic 26-year-old exudes confidence and has the skills to back it up. Coming with flow, lyrics and originality, B has created a unique and respected style that’s all her own.

My take: I thought the Russian chick was kinda cool but I wasn’t too impressed with her free-styling capabilities. She comes of a bit amateurish.

D.A.B., 23, DIGHTON, MA
Dab’s Myspace
At 23, D.A.B., aka Down Azz Bitch, has lived a lifetime. A victim of childhood molestation and a former heroin addict, this Dighton, MA native with killer abs has turned her struggles into words and wants to share her experiences with the world.

My take: Once a crack head, stay a crack head. While I’d like to say maybe baby girl got a chance, I know that she doesn’t have the skill-set to make it in the rap game. With the sleazy nature of the music biz, They’ll have her back sucking on crack rocks before the album drops. Give it up D.A.B. and find a man who will take care of you and keep you off the streets.

CHIBA, 28, NEPTUNE, NJ
Jerzey Peach Chiba’s Myspace
Chiba, 28, knows a thing or two about fate, as this Jerzey-born, Atlanta-residing artist nearly lost her life in a car accident. But the accident made her serious about rapping and once recovered from her injuries, she dedicated herself to writing rhymes and performing.

My take: I liked Chiba, I thought she was humbled from her brush with fate. But with her corny metaphors, it’s only a matter of time before people will want to see what’s up under that hair and it ain’t pretty. Save yourself some embarrassment and give it up. Besides, you’re 28. It’s a little bit late in the game to get started rappin’.

KHIA, 31, TAMPA, FL
khia’s Myspace
Thug Missses has beefed with Trina and a host of other rappers and now–anger management classes aside–this 31-year-old Tampa native is beefing with everyone in the Fembassy. After selling 800,000 copies of her hit single, “My Neck, My Back,” Khia, wants to show the universe that she’s not just the Queen of the South, she’s Miss Rap Supreme.

My take: Obviously, the least talented of the group, Khia’s 16 bar freestyle equated to nothing more then a poorly crafted hook. The most loud mouthed of the bunch she feels that having sold 800,000 records quantifies her place in the house, but in reality it only serves to create grounds for extreme ridicule and disrespect. Khia, if you need to bring your fat ass on a show to get back in the game. The game is obviously over for you. Try to stay out of jail, ok?

LADY TWIST, 22, DOLTON, IL
Lady Twist’s Myspace
Love it or shove it, Lady Twist, has a story to tell. The 22-year-old Chicago college student may crack jokes at every turn, but she’s as serious about her lyrics and lightning-speed flow as she is about her journalism career.

My take: This big fat heffa (The Stay Puff Marsh Mellow) thinks she’s the female equivalent of Twista, but in reality she’s only mildly good at mimicking his trademarked delivery. And while that might be cute 1 or 2 times out the box. She’s too fat for people to want to see on a regular basis. Get on a treadmill and keep it moving. You life depends on that.

LIONEZZ, 29, ORLANDO, FL
Lionezz’s Myspace
Lionezz’ hip hop roots go to her childhood, where her father was a DJ at a Munich roller-skating rink and she a dancer in a rap troupe. Despite her German roots, Lionezz, hates beer and cold weather, which might explain why this 29-year-old lives in sunny Orlando, FL.

My take: While she’s cute and will surely do well in men’s magazine’s. This 29 year old German is way past her rapping prime. She may have a future in entertainment. I can see her taking home several AVN awards easy, but EU rap is corny and only a few of you UK people can get away with it over here.

MS. CHERRY, 23, ATLANTA, GA
Ms Cherry’s Myspace
From her swag to her speech, everything about Ms. Cherry screams Atlanta. Confident with a dope flow (not to mention a silky smooth singing voice), this 23-year-old Lady of the South makes everything she does look effortless, including going digitally platinum with her 2005 local hit, It’s Whateva.

My take: This girl either has a speech impediment or needs to swallow her spit before she speaks. All of her words are slurred. She could be suffering from exposure to lead paint as a child but IMHO people with down syndrome should not be rappin’.

NICKY2STATES, 28, HUNTSVILLE, AL
Nicky2states’s Myspace
Nicky2States combines the best of the North and the South. Born and bred on the mean streets of NY, this sexy, tell-it-like-it-is 28-year-old now lives with her children (and silver bullet) in Huntsville, Alabama. Though she’s a top-rate booty shaker with years of “life experience,” she’s relatively new to the rap game.

My take: Nicky, Nicky, Nicky can’t you see… Stripping is in your future. I mean gawd dammit! I can watch you with the sound turned down because the body is tight and the face ain’t half bad. This former strippin ass mother of 4 would best serve her family by going back to the strip club. Every other word in her vocabulary is “Bitch!”, “Motherfuckin’”, “Hoe!” or combined “Motherfuckin’, hoe bitch!” Rap does not need to hear you. We only need to see you naked or performing naked with Mr. Marcus or Lexington Steele. It dosen’t matter which, they’re both the same…

RECE STEELE, 25, BRONX, NY
Rece Steele’s Myspace
Rece Steele reps the BX through and through. The daughter of rap artist L.A. Star, hip hop runs through this 25-year-old’s blood. Behind her hard delivery and crazy flow, Rece shows heart and passion, especially when it comes to talking about her first love…her son. But, don’t get it twisted, Rece suffers no fools and if you’re not real, you’ll quickly discover just how hard Steele can be.

My take: I wanted to like Rece. With L.A. Star as her mom I wanted to see what she had and she does have some talent. The problem is that she has not taken good care of herself. She should possibly think about a serious change of her diet and eating practices. Today’s world wants our female MC’s not only to have skills but also be able to be fapped to while listening to their music. I didn’t see that in Rece so I can’t co-sign her either. PS: Rece, get a stylist.

As you can see, I don’t think any of them have a future in the rap game. I could be wrong. Dumber shit has happened but if Puffy can’t make none of those making the band moron’s famous what is Miss Rap Supreme going to do? Give some chick 100k (because she’s not going to pay her taxes) to buy a bunch of boots and clothes.

-holla!